I was thinking about the song, "Human," by the Killers, yesterday. Well actually, it was more like I did something that reminded me of the song: I sat down in the seat I generally sit at in class, said hi to my neighbor, then looked away, and continued with other stuff. The interaction meant nothing to me- it was simply protocol. I began to wonder how I have allowed myself to become a way in which I do actions that are unnecessary, and mean nothing to me- and yet I perform them simply because they are generally performed.
So many interactions we have in our lives have so much order. Everything is about protocol, and what is expected. Humans, (well let's just consider Americans, since I mainly have experience with humans in the US), fear being caught looking at a random person. It is protocol to look away if eyes meet at all with a stranger. (Well, sometimes it leads to a quick smile.) Most "hellos" and "how are yous" generally lead to a "fine, thank you," response. It is rare, and quite odd to hear something other than "fine, thank you," "busy," or "good."
I wonder why everyone is always fine? Are we too busy to not be fine, or to indulge in another emotion? Or perhaps it is too time consuming to actually state how we are. Maybe we generally have no idea how we are feeling? Maybe our emotions change to quickly for us to comprehend, explain and express? Maybe our emotions are too personal to share with most of the people we speak with? I think it is a mix of all these questions.
Why do we even ask how are you in a quick question, if the only response we expect is a fine, quickly followed by the end of encounter? I think the best answer is that these interactions provide order- an easy guideline for how to say something quickly to a person you know- rather than trying to come up with a unique thing to say each time. It is good way to start a conversation as well. I wonder why we feel obligated to ask how the other person is.
I think that perhaps these quick conversations (if we can label them that) are convenient because we know what to expect, and we can focus on thinking about other things that matter more. But if that is the case, then this begs the question about why each of our encounters are not significant.
I was reading an anthropology article, which mentioned human group sizes (it was discussing the relationship between group sizes and brain sizes in different species- if I remember correctly)), and how humans generally know about 150 people that they speak to, or know at least a bit about in their daily lives. Can you imagine how time consuming it would be to have a full-blown conversation with each of those 150 people every single time we see them? Perhaps there is logical sense to those meaningless encounters.
But I still believe that our conversations and encounters should have more meaning to them. That doesn't mean each conversation has to be philosophical or intense- just that conversations should stand out, and that you should remember them 20-30 minutes later. I am not proposing a change in the status quo in society- just a dare to be different from the norm (at least some of the time).
These are two unique conversations I have tried:
-I generally try to speak to the cleaning lady at work every time I see her. Well I do not wish to pry and interview her about her entire life, but just basic things like how long she works, where she is from, how often she visits, and conversations about how the months are going, plans for the summer. The key that I try to keep in mind is that I do not want to ask questions just for the sake of asking questions. The idea is to care about everything you ask, hear and share. Everything you say should matter in these conversations. I always learn very unique things by speaking to the cleaning staff. I remember this particular lady a while ago who showed me all the jewelry she had on- and believe it or not- she made all the articles of jewelry she was wearing. I was very impressed!
-Another conversation example: Yesterday I randomly walked up to an guy sitting at the table next to mine, and asked him how his day was going. It led to a beautiful conversation about religions, phDs, and where to buy meat in town (well- I'm vegetarian- but it was still interesting to hear). I think it really made my day!
I would love to hear about your "conscious but random" conversations as well.
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