Laces and Dyed Scarves

Oh my goodness, the clothing making process is the coolest thing ever, and yet it is one of the hardest things to do! My friends like shopping with me because I can immediately look at an outfit and say if it is pretty or worth trying. However, here in Pakistan, it is a totally different story.

Outfits are generally made from scratch here. You first go to a place where you are sold printed cloth. So either you can buy one cloth, or you can buy multiple pieces of clothes to use for the same outfit, such as a cloth piece for the panels on the side, a different cloth piece for the back, top, or pant or scarf etc. After choosing the clothes for one outfit, you go to a lace shop and you buy different laces, velvet or silk or satin. If you want, you also need to go to a place for buttons for your outfit. If you want the outfit to be more fancy, you go to a shop to either buy a neck piece which is embroidered or you can give an order get a design embroidered either with thread or different beading. You also need to remember to get a sleeves, and decide if you want net sleeves or what sort of cloth you want for the sleeve. Then you need to go to a shop to get the scarf piece, and you have to go to a shop to get your scarf and sleeves dyed. You also need to get a cloth to make a chemise that matches with the outfit. So after all of that is over, you go to a tailor to stitch the outfit. At the tailor's shop, you give your measurements and bargain the price.
And the issue with tailors is that they take forever in making the outfit, and take at least an extra week or two and lots of visits before they finish your entire outfit. Everyone here is always complaining about tailors. One of my aunts is always taking food for the tailor and stopping by to say hello. So I asked her why she randomly worried so much about getting snacks to the tailor, and she replied that it is to butter him up so he would stitch clothes for them faster!

This is a skill I do not have, and a hassle I am incapable of dealing with. I do not know how to imagine an entire outfit in my mind, from buttons to the dyed shades and patterns of the scarf, and I have no idea what the difference is between lawn and cotton and linen and silk and all the billion types of clothes.

I tried taking the long process to get clothes made with lots of help from my aunts and cousin, but all that thinking really gave me a headache. So now, I have been going to places where I can buy ready-made outfits. But even those I have go give an order for and they have to get made according to my size.

It is a hassle, but at the same time- isn't the whole idea of an outfit you designed yourself from scratch the coolest idea ever? 

Exotic Clothing Choices

Today I was thinking about the meaning of being exotic.
I have been meeting several people who have visited the US for maybe a year or so, and just that one year has transformed them so much.
So first, let me describe two events where I met two people who inspired me to write this post.
-I went to what is referred to here as a "picnic," at a "farmhouse" last weekend. Basically, about a 120 of us went together in two large buses to a house we rented for a day. The house had two large rooms, a kitchen, dining and sitting area, and a very large portion in the front of the house with swings, a slide, a treehouse, and a small pool. I have gone to two picnics, one which was on a small basis, and one much larger with the 120 people. During both picnics, we reached there at around 9 am, ate breakfast that we picked up on a way, and then basically swam all day, taking small breaks for playing games, talking, drinking chai (english tea), and eating lunch. Well anyways, on this trip, I was wearing the traditional pakistani dress, a shalwar (a long shirt) kamiz (bottom) with a duppata (long scarf), that I wear everywhere, and while swimming I was wearing a very very loose shirt, and pants. So basically, I looked completely pakistani, and no one could really tell that I was from the US. However, there was one girl there with a modern, somewhat fitted shirt, a miniskirt, and jeans. Her hair was really stylish, and not tied, and she looked to me like a regular teenager in the US. To see someone who looks like a modern American teenager in Pakistan is very odd- because no one really dresses that way, and if they do, they completely stand out, especially at a picnic with people of all ages. Her looks and style looked very American, and it turns out that she lived in the US for one year.
-The next person is at the place I am researching. She studies in the US, and has lived in Pakistan for her entire life- yet the first day, she came in with a shalwar kamiz without a dupatta. I do not go anywhere in Pakistan without a duppata because it is important in this culture to not leave your neck bare. And the second day, she came in with skinny jeans and t-shirt.

I feel like the dressing choice of the girls was chosen by them to make themselves stand out, and look unique and foreign and exotic.
Meeting them made me wonder why I do not desire to wear my western clothing here.

I think that the reason why I do not desire to dress the way I generally do in the US is because this summer, my goal was to understand what it means to be a Pakistani. Therefore, I want to dress like a Pakistani, I want to eat, and sleep and talk like a Pakistani. It is my desire to understand perhaps the other part of me, and to understand my heritage better. I also perhaps desire to discover how I might have been if I never left Pakistan. I believe that the US is no longer an exotic location for me, but rather a home to me (that is not to imply that Pakistan is not my home).

But I can empathize with the girls because I love to show off my Pakistani outfits and Pakistani culture to my friends in the US.  And since I had not visited Pakistan for about 12 years, I really was not aware of the culture- so I too perhaps for trying to express an exotic part of myself to others. My purpose in showing Pakistani culture to others was not to show off, but rather I truly felt that Pakistani culture was a part of me, and I wanted to share this culture with the people around me. Perhaps that is what these girls feel?

I think another reason why I do not dress in western clothing here is because I feel that you should dress according to the expectations of the society that you reside in. If I dressed in western clothing here, it would be considered inappropriate and might even offend people. That should not be the intentional purpose of clothing choice. Although often people do wear very provocative clothing, and the obvious example is Lady Gaga, but to observe her clothing is a matter of choice, and she dresses that way to make a point.

Cleaners' Point, and Other Jokes and Stuff

Some interesting things:

-The janitors' closet was labeled cleaners' point.
-The purpose of foundation here is to lighten your skin, not to even it out.
- People use a lot of scented powder- and just shower themselves with lots of powder, on their faces, necks, backs, arms, etc.
- Perfume is more popular than deodorant, and instead of spraying once or twice, you are supposed to spray perfume like 10-15 times.
-There are lots of animals here randomly roaming the streets- cats, cows, dogs, donkeys, mice- it is a mini zoo. When one of my aunts moved near the place I am staying, her son, who was very young at the time asked her if they moving to zoo garden (I am not sure why, but zoo is called zoo garden. When I asked, my cousin said that that is because there is always a park connected with the zoo.)
- Fast food is very famous here. Except that burgers are all vegetarian. I thinking maybe there was something lost in translation because I have never seen burgers that were vegetarian in the US. I am very happy about that though because I don't eat meat.
- The word for meat is only used to describe meat of cows or goats. Apparently, chicken is not considered meat. So everyone always asks me, "You don't eat meat, or chicken?" I find that to be very amusing! :)
-A particular mango juice box (boxed juice?) is really famous here, which is called Slice.
-A cellphone is referred to as a set. So when we went to the internet store, the guy told me I needed to change my set.
-There are way too many beggars, and they do not leave you alone, even after you give them money. We kept requesting one guy to leave after we gave him money, and he just kept asking for more. My uncle was so upset, that I was afraid someone was going to get beaten up. Is it terrible to admit that I found that scene to be pretty fascinating?
-The van driver I come back with from research lab plays the same three old songs daily. I am not bored of them yet, I simply find it amusing.

Good night.

:)

Life in a Rickshaw

Driving in Pakistan is an activity without rules. Apparantly, the only time people actually get thrown in jail for a traffic related reason is if two males are riding on one motorcycle. Seen I have been here, I have seen two signal lights that were actually up and working. I was more concerned about the waste of electricity, because no one except for me seemed to notice that the signal was red. There is no such thing as jay-walking, and no such thing as one way street. That means that roads are a mixture of rickshaws, buses, bicycles, taxis and people, walking and driving in any direction they desire. But I have not witnessed even one accident. I think that is because people do not really drive fast anywhere, and they are so accustomed to the crazy traffic so they are extra careful. Oh and seat belts most definitely do not exist. I cannot remember if I have even seen one.
On the way back from the airport, my cousin put a large bag of mine in the driver's seat. I began to ask how the driver was going to be able to drive with the large suitcase, and then I saw and remembered that the driver's side is flipped, so driver's sit on the right side of the car, and all the road and directions are opposite. How odd right?

And the cars here are so miniature. Imagine a regular compact car in the US, then cut off about .5-.75 feet from the front and the back of the car, and you have the average Pakistani car. I am still not sure where the entire fits into the car. Of course regular cars are still there, such as toyotas, and hondas, but they are rarely seen. Motorcycles are very common here, and are much cheaper than cars, so are often preferred.

Now let's discuss the most commom form of transportation used: the rickshaw.
There are so many corners in the rickshaw that you have to be very careful not to tear your clothing too much, and to prevent any injury to yourself. And basically, you can fit in as many people as you want in that little vehicle. The basically sit in the main seat in the back, three younger and lighter people can sit on the laps of the people on the seat, and you can fit two people on the miniature seat made for the driver in the front. That is an insane amount of crowded!

The first day that I had to sit in a rickshaw, I was panic-stricken for my life! It feels like sitting in a very mini car, without any doors. I tried my best to keep my hands and legs totally inside the vehicle because the traffic is so scary, and the speed breakers made me jump up and down so much.

Rickshaw drivers make me laugh. Unfortunately, I am not laughing with them. At least for the rickshaws I have riden, the drivers are men (all rickshaw drivers are men), maybe in their thirties, with awkward hair length (not long or short enough to be appealing- but in the middle where it looks like all of them could use a hair cut). There are way too many mirrors for the driver to view from, and many of them are often placed in a position where the driver can stare at the females sitting in the back. I felt so awkward yesterday, because the driver in one of the rickshaws we sat in, placed one entire mirror in a position where he could just stare at my face. It was so awkward, and I kind of wanted to slap him, but I didn't care enough to say anything.

The next rickshaw driver we rode with yesterday made my day! This crazy character play really old songs, very loudly in the speakers in his rickshaw, and he kept staring at me, my cousin and my aunt. I am sorry to admit, but his face was not good looking at all, he had really oily hair, and he really needed to shower- but he was trying so hard to look very cool for us. When we got off the rickshaw for like 5 minutes to buy pretty hats that I saw, my aunt wanted my cousin to switch spots because she felt that the driver was staring at my cousin. The guy simply would not let my cousin switch spots. He insisted that she sit exact there because the balance of the rickshaw would be off, and I could easily see that one entire mirror was set on her! I could just look at his face, and predict what he was thinking! But we ignored it, tried not to say anything in the rickshaw, and just get to our destination.

But guess what happened next? When we got off the rickshaw, the guy offered my aunt his phone number, and said that she could call him anytime she needed to get on a rickshaw. Well obviously she rejected, but I could not stop laughing. We went to the phone shop, and for like 20 minutes, the rickshaw driver was right there, and would not leave. My aunt was paranoid that he would follow us home, and then come park there everyday. I can't remember the last time I laughed as much. I bet everyone thought I was going crazy. But please do not think that all rickshaw drivers are like that. I bet there are plenty of drivers who are honest, hard-working, morally conscious people, just trying to make a living.

I have not riden in a taxi yet. Taxis are rarely used.

So Much News

People here are more politically aware than people I have seen anywhere. They know about all the parties, what the parties are doing, all the political actions their president, vice president, judges, and other officials did and are doing. Politics and the government are brought up in daily conversations every single day, and every single person watches the news daily, and then shares and discusses with others. This part of Pakistani life is very boring for me. I do not exactly keep up with the news so much, and seeing all the violence just frustrates me, and angers me. I know that the habit of not following the news, domestic and international, is a terrible choice on my part. I do believe that we, as humans, should be aware of what is going on in our society, and we should be wary of anyone reducing our freedom, or putting our lives in danger, but seeing all the terrible stuff going on in this world just makes me sad and bitter.
My habit is to maybe listen to ten minutes of news in the morning, and maybe read some headlines online, and read more if the topic is important, dangerous or interesting. I prefer this method much more than constantly reading the news, and listening to new talk shows, and reading the entire newpaper daily, and discussing and sharing with everyone I know.

Good actions and people do exist in life, but those are never highlighted in the news, and I would much rather spend my time interacting with people in my immediate surroundings. It can be labeled as ignorance, and false perception of happiness and happy society, but not being that aware of the news makes me able to be a happier person who can still appreciate the good people and good actions in life.

Representing your party, and showing your patriotism is very popular here. Apparantly, teenage boys love buying flags of their parties, and wearing them as bandanas, or waving them while riding on a motocycle. My cousin was showing me his collection of flags, and literally, he had like 25 flag, all different sizes, most of them for different occasions and different parties. My cousins made a joke that if I put pictures online of me holding certain flags, I might get banned. I did not find the joke funny, rather Orwellian.
My cousin treated his flags as if they were his most prized possessions. He folded all of them afterwards with so much care, and actually hid them in a safe. He even showed me several flags he made with the help of his mom. I was most interested in how politics becomes a part of culture, and part of the definition of "coolness."

It is a Social Life

There are so many things that are different here, that it is so difficult for me to paint a clear portrait about what the culture is here, along with how I am dealing with it, and what difficulties I am facing.

First of all, I wanted to inform everyone about how I am dealing with the culture shock. I was not exactly sure what I was getting myself into, and anyone I spoke to, whether they were from Pakistan or the United States, all advised me not to come to Pakistan for an extended time. I was warned about the danger, the heat, the mosquitoes, the conservative society, the lack of freedom, and the unkempt environment.

I have decided that I am writing on this blog to perhaps provide a critique of this culture according to my perspective, and not to criticize this culture. It would be a very foolish action for anyone to declare that the western world is better than the eastern world. And I am learning more and more that there are ups and downs to both societies.

One of my main desires in coming to Pakistan was to understand a little bit better about how the other half of the world survives. I believe it is almost imperitive for everyone in the world to ponder and to truly seek to understand how others all over the world live, because only then can be properly perform our duty as world citizens.

Of course, there are no hard and fast rules that distinguish cultures, particularly because each culture itself is too complex to generalize easily, but what I have been realizing as one of the main significant differences in the American and the Pakistani society is the differences in value given to a human's existence as a self, versus a human existence as part of a community. 

In the United States, who I am as an independent individual is a common question, and there are several aspects of American culture that result from this ideology:

• A prominent thought in the US is that I should not care about how another person thinks about my dressing, my career choices, or my desires. 
• American ideology places a lot of emphasis upon personal time. After hanging out with people all day, us Americans need some time to ourselves to think about things, and to just be away from other, including our own family members. 
•  It is often considered essential for an older teen to move away from home, and learn to earn and manage her/his own money. And often attending college outside of the state is encouraged because it builds character, and teachers a young adult how to be self-sufficient.
• There is a concept of invisible impenetrable personal space bubble that should not be punctured by even a casual friend.

In Pakistan, how we exist as a society is the common question.

• Everyone is very much concerned about family respect, making sure to uphold the family honor.
• The members of this society interact with each other so much. Every single day, everyone attends the religious center- whichever one they belong to. I believe it is as much a social activity as it is a religious one. After the religious ceremonies are over, you meet with all the people you know, talk about your day, share recipes, complain about the heat or the violence. Then you go back towards your colony (which is like an apartment complex), and there are lots of areas to sit, where you gather with your friends and talk at least for half an hour or so. It is a very social life! Pakistani people have lots and lots of friends.
• Oh my goodness- the volunteerism! There are so many things you can volunteer for, and so many programs going on. The programs are mainly through the religious center, but they involve all sorts of activities for all sorts of people. There is band, cub scouts, shine scouts, computer classes, summer camps of all sorts, programs for senior citizens, for special needs people, for mothers, for students. And every single person that I have spoken to is a part of at least 3 institutions.
• One thing that I find to be very odd is that people randomly go to each others' homes whenever they want without calling or informing first. And what is even more odd- people really love it when others visit. I mean they really love it, and they become sad when people do not come to visit.
• There is not exactly a concept of personal time. Here, I am constantly with others. The only time I am by myself is when I am changing or in the washroom (no one uses the word restroom- odd isn't it.
• Everyone knows all their neighbors, and they talk with each other all the time. People always leave their homes open during the day without worrying about anything. And people are always sitting in their balconies, talking with people that are passing by, or just sitting and observing.

Even though they all complain about life being so busy- to me, it seems like a very relaxed and amazingly slow-paced life. At the research lab, there is chai time daily, and coworkers go in groups of maybe 5-6, and just drink chai, share biscuits (by biscuits I mean cookies and crackers. I don't think actual american bread biscuits are eaten here, and cookies are referred to as biscuits), and talk about what is going on in their lives. Everyone is so aware of what is going on in everyone else's life, and somehow you are expected to know everyone in your community, and their relationship with everyone else. Gossip is an important part of this life. It is something that is not liked in the community, but it is also an essential practice. After all, if you talk with so many people, almost all day, then you obviously hear and talk about what is going on with others.

It is a social life here- where human beings interact with each other much much more than they interact with the internet and music and television. I know I shouldn't admit it, but I really miss the constant existence of music, internet and television in my life! I value human interactions much more, but I suppose I have become too comfortable with the status quo of interaction with nonliving things. Of course, I am not implying that in the US, people do not communicate with each other. I am simply pointing out that in Pakistan, people interact with each other on a much greater level, and interact with technology on a much lower level. I believe that the reason for that is not the lack of technology access, but rather the culture of socialization.

Yay Women!

I know it is ironic to expect this in a patriarchal society such as Pakistan, but every single day here, I am astonished by how amazing women are, especially in this culture.

I am working in a research lab, and literally, there are probably maybe 20 people here, out of which, about 14-15 are women. The women are in charge, they are highly qualified, and knowledgeable. They dressing of the women are conservative, but their mindsets are very open. And almost everywhere I look, women seem to be the ones in highly qualified, educated jobs, such as teachers, nurses, doctors, researchers, principals, etc.  For example, I went to a government school, where every single teacher was a female, except for one.

The men here generally seem to be the ones running their own stores, and businesses, while women do not do much physical labor jobs (except the really impoverished women who are maids), and are instead in academic fields.

From the exposure I had with very conservative Muslim women in the US, I expected women here to be more involved in house chores, who consider earning money, and higher education to be a “man’s work.” However, these women do both! At least from what I have observed, these women wake up early in the morning, they cook food for their husbands and kids, clean the home, wash the dishes, and get ready for work, and get their kids ready for school. Then after work, they come back, they provide food for their families, attend their respective religious center, and on their way back, they do minor grocery shopping. Then on the weekends, these women are the ones getting clothing made, or taking their kids to go get school stuff they need. Honestly- these women seem to do everything. I have no idea how they manage everything.

I will still admit that Pakistan is still a very patriarchal society. What I generally observe is that women are responsible for cooking, cleaning and child-rearing- almost fully. One habit that annoys me is that after eating, men just leave their plates on the table, while the women put the plates away. Women put the dishes up, generally wash them (although many of the households have maids that clean the dishes- although I have not seen many maids), wash the clothes, iron the clothes, sweep and mop the floors. Why is it that women do everything here, and work as well?

Well of course that is not the entire truth. I have seen men here stitch a button, iron clothes, and take out the trash- but compared to what working women do- I feel like that is not enough pitching in. And of course, a lot of women are still full-time housewives. But I never realized how busy their lives can get as well. The housewives I have noticed generally wake up at 6 am, and seem to be busy all day. They are also doing whatever they can to assist their children in school work. I am impressed!

I suppose Pakistani people realize just how amazing women are, which is why mother's day was such a major deal here. It was literally celebrated for days. Everyone kept wishing Happy Mother's Day to anyone what was a mom. I kept seeing stuff about mother's day on the news and interviews from kids on regular TV shows. It was recognized in schools, and emphasized in all the religious education classes. I even saw several posters in the religious center I attend here, appreciating moms. All my cousins secretly went to get amazing gifts for their moms before mother's day. And guess what? The light did not go out at all on Sunday, and several people thought it was to appreciate mothers! I mean how amazing is that?  

Yay women!!! :D