I officially became a US citizen today and I feel like I am expected to be ecstatic, but I am mostly unsure and confused. Becoming "American" is a huge deal and I have so many thoughts about the topic. Below is somewhat of a raw snapshot of my thought processes.
The first part below is more about my experiences in the United States and my perspective on what it means to be American and the second part is about the particular citizenship process and my thoughts and complaints about some of the requirements.
Part 1:
I have read the declaration of independence and the constitution and I do believe in the principles upon which this country was built. I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom of press. I love that everyone is read their miranda rights at the time of arrest. I love the jury process (and anyone who has read 12 Angry Men knows the importance of a jury). I love that I can call 911 and the police actually shows up. I love that I did not have to pay for my education until college. I love that federal aid allowed me to attend two prestigious institutions for my undergraduate degree with basically no payment, due of my financial circumstances (I transferred, so attended both Emory and Rice for two years each). I love that CHIP and SNAP and WIC and Medicaid exist. There are so many things that are done right and so many freedoms and opportunities I was given in this country that I cannot imagine having received in my birth country of Pakistan.
At the oath ceremony, an Argentinian lawyer, who became a citizen 25 years ago, gave a speech about how she moved to the United States several decades ago with very little and is now extremely successful. She was a fervent believer of the American Dream. I commend her hard work and dedication and perseverance and even more her faith in the American Dream. But I could not help but remember the lessons I learned in my sociology classes and in life. She did not have financial capital, but she certainly had social capital and high status because her dad was a physician for the WHO. Success, as much as I hate saying it, has perhaps more to do with who we know and what we have and how lucky we are. Success always takes hard work and dedication but hard work and dedication do not usually lead to grand success. I think I am too old to believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and the American Dream.
But while discussing this perspective with my mom after the ceremony, my mom asked me about my successes in the world, telling me that I was on my way to reaching this mythical American Dream in my lifetime- reminding me of the struggles I have faced in life and then reminding me that I am a student at an Ivy League University, starting an internship with the CDC.
I have not forgotten the struggles. My family earned around a total of $10 per day in Pakistan and they used most of their earnings to pay for my education because even K-12 education is extremely expensive in Pakistan. And before anyone wants to inform me about public schools being free in Pakistan, let me explain why my parents paid to put me in private school. I visited Pakistan two years ago and went with my aunt to sit in on a sixth grade public school English class. The teacher was teaching sixth grade boys how to say "My name is _____" and "Today is Tuesday," in a school where there were more broken desks than working desks and where cobwebs covered the walls instead of paint. My parents, even when earning not much over the poverty line ( $10 per day family income translates to about $2.50 per person, which is $1.25 away from the poverty line), knew that they wanted to invest in my education. Their dedication to education has consistently been my greatest asset in life!
In the 13 years that my family has lived in the United States, my mom illegally worked under the minimum wage, earning $5 an hour for five years; we lived in a pest infested apartment for about seven years, where we occasionally saw gun violence right downstairs; I went to middle school where a 12 year old boy was shot in a drive-by by a rival gang and we, 10 to 12 year old kids, were consequently required to enter and exit the school through metal detectors to ensure that we were not bringing guns into the campus; I illegally baby-sat my seven years younger sister for several years, starting at the age of ten, when perhaps I needed a baby-sitter as well; I began to buy my own clothing around the time I graduated from high school and before then, most of my clothing came from charity...I am not going to go on about things I have experienced in my life, but considering my life experiences, it is shocking even to me to sometimes realize how fortunate I have been in my life. Maybe I will reach this American Dream- not necessarily of earning a ton of money and owning some McMansion, but my own dream with success beyond my wildest imagination.
It would be so easy to claim that maybe the lawyer was accurate, and maybe the American Dream is possible if you work really hard, but that would be a foolish conclusion. My life story is almost all about luck and love. It is my parents' indestructible dedication towards education, their somewhat illogical belief in my ability to achieve the impossible and just pure and absolute luck. I am, and have never been, better than my peers. I have never been the top student or the most hard-working student and most of my peers from middle and high school deserve to be exactly where I am, even perhaps more so. But they are not, and that is a colossal loss of creative potential, which harms all of society. Most of my current colleagues at Columbia are very affluent and very white. My current colleagues and friends at Columbia are wonderful human beings and I aspire daily to be more like many of them. But that doesn't detract from the fact that being white and affluent provides many many more opportunities compared to underprivileged minorities with exactly the same creative potentials and passions. Racial inequality, income inequality and rampant capitalism are monumental flaws in American society.
I have heard a particular criticism by several people throughout my life about immigrants always complaining about America, even as more and more flock to the country. That is a horrid comment to make and if you do believe in this perspective, I would urge you to reconsider your thoughts. I love being in this country and I if was given a choice, I would choose the United States as my permanent home, because of the foundations on which this country was built. If I am criticizing the system, it is because I want to help the country fully realize the ideals set by the founding fathers. A person would take the time to criticize a system only if they were expecting a gain from the criticism and immigrants who voice their concerns do so because they imagine a better America in the future, where everyone in America gains from the improvements!
But still as I choose America to be my country, I do not actually feel American. I have and perhaps will always be seen as an outsider and an "other" in this country, where a majority of the people do not share my culture or my religion or my physical looks or my experiences. A culture of tolerance of differences is significantly different from a culture of celebration of differences. I think we, as Americans (whatever that means), are still at the tolerance stage and I hope that maybe in my lifetime, we can learn to fully celebrate what this nation can truly be- a nation of immigrants who all feel at home.
Part 2:
I feel like I was asked to pledge to many things that I actually do not believe in- and the guilt of betraying my ideals for citizenship bears heavy in my heart. The following are several really minor things and perhaps I overthink things too much, but these are a huge deal to me.
1) I was required to say yes when asked whether I would be willing to bear arms for the country, if the law requires it. I am not sure of the person I will be in the future, but in the present, I do not imagine myself shooting another human, especially because of a requirement by the law. I am philosophically, a huge proponent of freedom, and fundamentally, the ideals of freedom are what attracts me to this country the most. So the idea that I had to agree to give up my freedom to choose to not kill another human, if the law requires it, is terrifying. I am aware that the probability of me actually being required to bear arms is very minimal, but the fact that I had to agree under oath, is a huge deal for me. My friends and loved ones know that I do not make promises at all ( except perhaps cheesy pinky promises to keep in touch- which I try my best to follow). I was raised in a culture where honor is very sacred, and pledging to give away a freedom, a concept I fundamentally disagree with, is not a very honorable thing to do.
2) I was required to say that I do not believe in Communism. Let's get this straight- no country has ever successfully implemented Communism in the way that was described by Karl Marx and Frederick Engels in the Communist Manifesto. And if anyone has read and analyzed the manifesto, then I cannot imagine them not considering themselves a communist. It is a beautiful philosophy of equality, where every human is given what they need to survive, minimizing misery of the poor. But let me be clear, I am not against the idea of meritocracy- I really believe that perhaps a hybrid of meritocracy and communism would make a good political structure. America likes to hide under the guise of meritocracy, when really, the rags to riches American Dream, where the hardest working person gets rewarded the most, is simply not true in the US- it is a myth that millions believe and it allows inequality to continuously increase. So yes, I believe in Communism, because I believe in human rights and I believe in a future where people are not left to starve, even if they work full-time.
3) I can perhaps pledge allegiance to the ideologies behind the declaration of independence and the constitution, but why was I required to pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States? I understand that the flag is the symbol of the country, but the culture of providing respect to a printed cloth is not one I understand. I respect ideas and people, and I just cannot pledge allegience to a piece of cloth. The reason why the idea of providing so much respect to a symbol is frightening to me is because globally, people are literally willing to die if a sacred piece of cloth or a sacred text is burned or flushed. I am all about respecting different cultures and symbols, and it is a horrible idea to burn any country's flag or any peoples' sacred symbol- but to allow another person or group so much power over our life/lives and our pride, because of what they do to a piece of cloth, is astounding! I may be willing to die for human rights or to protect others or to protect my ideologies, but I will not die because of what someone does to a cloth.
4) I do believe in a God, but my spirituality has to do with what I do in my own time, whether it is pray or meditate or whatever. And my belonging to a country should not be tied to my relationship to a God. The oath, the pledge of allegiance and the national anthem all evoked God in some way. I would like for God to be left in my heart. Furthermore, I imagine the United States to be a country where I can believe in the majesty of the country and support its ideals without having to necessarily believe in a God. I think we as Americans have not grasped the concept of separation of church and state fully. A part of me loves that religion is such a core component of Pakistan because I love hearing the Adhan daily when I am there and celebrating Ramadan in Pakistan is a wonderful experience. But at the same time, the United States was built on fundamentally different ideals of religious freedom.
5) Just FYI, they ask you silly questions such as whether you have been a prostitute or been a terrorist or whether you have committed crimes for which you were not arrested- honestly, who would say yes to these?
Well I did pledge to a bunch of things that I'm not exactly sure about, but I think I agreed because it meant that I could vote for representatives in the place I call home, so I could serve on a jury, so I could belong to a country whose ideals closely reflect my ideals and whose stride towards reaching those ideals is promising. So I can happily say today that I am an American!
The first part below is more about my experiences in the United States and my perspective on what it means to be American and the second part is about the particular citizenship process and my thoughts and complaints about some of the requirements.
Part 1:
I have read the declaration of independence and the constitution and I do believe in the principles upon which this country was built. I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom of press. I love that everyone is read their miranda rights at the time of arrest. I love the jury process (and anyone who has read 12 Angry Men knows the importance of a jury). I love that I can call 911 and the police actually shows up. I love that I did not have to pay for my education until college. I love that federal aid allowed me to attend two prestigious institutions for my undergraduate degree with basically no payment, due of my financial circumstances (I transferred, so attended both Emory and Rice for two years each). I love that CHIP and SNAP and WIC and Medicaid exist. There are so many things that are done right and so many freedoms and opportunities I was given in this country that I cannot imagine having received in my birth country of Pakistan.
At the oath ceremony, an Argentinian lawyer, who became a citizen 25 years ago, gave a speech about how she moved to the United States several decades ago with very little and is now extremely successful. She was a fervent believer of the American Dream. I commend her hard work and dedication and perseverance and even more her faith in the American Dream. But I could not help but remember the lessons I learned in my sociology classes and in life. She did not have financial capital, but she certainly had social capital and high status because her dad was a physician for the WHO. Success, as much as I hate saying it, has perhaps more to do with who we know and what we have and how lucky we are. Success always takes hard work and dedication but hard work and dedication do not usually lead to grand success. I think I am too old to believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and the American Dream.
But while discussing this perspective with my mom after the ceremony, my mom asked me about my successes in the world, telling me that I was on my way to reaching this mythical American Dream in my lifetime- reminding me of the struggles I have faced in life and then reminding me that I am a student at an Ivy League University, starting an internship with the CDC.
I have not forgotten the struggles. My family earned around a total of $10 per day in Pakistan and they used most of their earnings to pay for my education because even K-12 education is extremely expensive in Pakistan. And before anyone wants to inform me about public schools being free in Pakistan, let me explain why my parents paid to put me in private school. I visited Pakistan two years ago and went with my aunt to sit in on a sixth grade public school English class. The teacher was teaching sixth grade boys how to say "My name is _____" and "Today is Tuesday," in a school where there were more broken desks than working desks and where cobwebs covered the walls instead of paint. My parents, even when earning not much over the poverty line ( $10 per day family income translates to about $2.50 per person, which is $1.25 away from the poverty line), knew that they wanted to invest in my education. Their dedication to education has consistently been my greatest asset in life!
In the 13 years that my family has lived in the United States, my mom illegally worked under the minimum wage, earning $5 an hour for five years; we lived in a pest infested apartment for about seven years, where we occasionally saw gun violence right downstairs; I went to middle school where a 12 year old boy was shot in a drive-by by a rival gang and we, 10 to 12 year old kids, were consequently required to enter and exit the school through metal detectors to ensure that we were not bringing guns into the campus; I illegally baby-sat my seven years younger sister for several years, starting at the age of ten, when perhaps I needed a baby-sitter as well; I began to buy my own clothing around the time I graduated from high school and before then, most of my clothing came from charity...I am not going to go on about things I have experienced in my life, but considering my life experiences, it is shocking even to me to sometimes realize how fortunate I have been in my life. Maybe I will reach this American Dream- not necessarily of earning a ton of money and owning some McMansion, but my own dream with success beyond my wildest imagination.
It would be so easy to claim that maybe the lawyer was accurate, and maybe the American Dream is possible if you work really hard, but that would be a foolish conclusion. My life story is almost all about luck and love. It is my parents' indestructible dedication towards education, their somewhat illogical belief in my ability to achieve the impossible and just pure and absolute luck. I am, and have never been, better than my peers. I have never been the top student or the most hard-working student and most of my peers from middle and high school deserve to be exactly where I am, even perhaps more so. But they are not, and that is a colossal loss of creative potential, which harms all of society. Most of my current colleagues at Columbia are very affluent and very white. My current colleagues and friends at Columbia are wonderful human beings and I aspire daily to be more like many of them. But that doesn't detract from the fact that being white and affluent provides many many more opportunities compared to underprivileged minorities with exactly the same creative potentials and passions. Racial inequality, income inequality and rampant capitalism are monumental flaws in American society.
I have heard a particular criticism by several people throughout my life about immigrants always complaining about America, even as more and more flock to the country. That is a horrid comment to make and if you do believe in this perspective, I would urge you to reconsider your thoughts. I love being in this country and I if was given a choice, I would choose the United States as my permanent home, because of the foundations on which this country was built. If I am criticizing the system, it is because I want to help the country fully realize the ideals set by the founding fathers. A person would take the time to criticize a system only if they were expecting a gain from the criticism and immigrants who voice their concerns do so because they imagine a better America in the future, where everyone in America gains from the improvements!
But still as I choose America to be my country, I do not actually feel American. I have and perhaps will always be seen as an outsider and an "other" in this country, where a majority of the people do not share my culture or my religion or my physical looks or my experiences. A culture of tolerance of differences is significantly different from a culture of celebration of differences. I think we, as Americans (whatever that means), are still at the tolerance stage and I hope that maybe in my lifetime, we can learn to fully celebrate what this nation can truly be- a nation of immigrants who all feel at home.
Part 2:
I feel like I was asked to pledge to many things that I actually do not believe in- and the guilt of betraying my ideals for citizenship bears heavy in my heart. The following are several really minor things and perhaps I overthink things too much, but these are a huge deal to me.
1) I was required to say yes when asked whether I would be willing to bear arms for the country, if the law requires it. I am not sure of the person I will be in the future, but in the present, I do not imagine myself shooting another human, especially because of a requirement by the law. I am philosophically, a huge proponent of freedom, and fundamentally, the ideals of freedom are what attracts me to this country the most. So the idea that I had to agree to give up my freedom to choose to not kill another human, if the law requires it, is terrifying. I am aware that the probability of me actually being required to bear arms is very minimal, but the fact that I had to agree under oath, is a huge deal for me. My friends and loved ones know that I do not make promises at all ( except perhaps cheesy pinky promises to keep in touch- which I try my best to follow). I was raised in a culture where honor is very sacred, and pledging to give away a freedom, a concept I fundamentally disagree with, is not a very honorable thing to do.
2) I was required to say that I do not believe in Communism. Let's get this straight- no country has ever successfully implemented Communism in the way that was described by Karl Marx and Frederick Engels in the Communist Manifesto. And if anyone has read and analyzed the manifesto, then I cannot imagine them not considering themselves a communist. It is a beautiful philosophy of equality, where every human is given what they need to survive, minimizing misery of the poor. But let me be clear, I am not against the idea of meritocracy- I really believe that perhaps a hybrid of meritocracy and communism would make a good political structure. America likes to hide under the guise of meritocracy, when really, the rags to riches American Dream, where the hardest working person gets rewarded the most, is simply not true in the US- it is a myth that millions believe and it allows inequality to continuously increase. So yes, I believe in Communism, because I believe in human rights and I believe in a future where people are not left to starve, even if they work full-time.
3) I can perhaps pledge allegiance to the ideologies behind the declaration of independence and the constitution, but why was I required to pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States? I understand that the flag is the symbol of the country, but the culture of providing respect to a printed cloth is not one I understand. I respect ideas and people, and I just cannot pledge allegience to a piece of cloth. The reason why the idea of providing so much respect to a symbol is frightening to me is because globally, people are literally willing to die if a sacred piece of cloth or a sacred text is burned or flushed. I am all about respecting different cultures and symbols, and it is a horrible idea to burn any country's flag or any peoples' sacred symbol- but to allow another person or group so much power over our life/lives and our pride, because of what they do to a piece of cloth, is astounding! I may be willing to die for human rights or to protect others or to protect my ideologies, but I will not die because of what someone does to a cloth.
4) I do believe in a God, but my spirituality has to do with what I do in my own time, whether it is pray or meditate or whatever. And my belonging to a country should not be tied to my relationship to a God. The oath, the pledge of allegiance and the national anthem all evoked God in some way. I would like for God to be left in my heart. Furthermore, I imagine the United States to be a country where I can believe in the majesty of the country and support its ideals without having to necessarily believe in a God. I think we as Americans have not grasped the concept of separation of church and state fully. A part of me loves that religion is such a core component of Pakistan because I love hearing the Adhan daily when I am there and celebrating Ramadan in Pakistan is a wonderful experience. But at the same time, the United States was built on fundamentally different ideals of religious freedom.
5) Just FYI, they ask you silly questions such as whether you have been a prostitute or been a terrorist or whether you have committed crimes for which you were not arrested- honestly, who would say yes to these?
Well I did pledge to a bunch of things that I'm not exactly sure about, but I think I agreed because it meant that I could vote for representatives in the place I call home, so I could serve on a jury, so I could belong to a country whose ideals closely reflect my ideals and whose stride towards reaching those ideals is promising. So I can happily say today that I am an American!
